Rantin' and Ravin'

This month I was going to write a flowery column about the beauty of the trout we have here in Missouri. I was thinking of the beautiful blues, greens and pink hues on a rainbow trout. I am inspired by the yellow, red and earth tones on a brown trout. Heck, I even love the golden and bronze colors on a smallie. I have seen panfish on streams in the Ozarks that look downright tropical with their shades or orange, green and blue. That is what I WAS going to write about. But then, my crabby self kicked in and I decided instead to rant this month and rant, I will. Here goes.

I used to play golf. I played lots of golf. I played it for business. I played it in my spare time. I thought, as an American male, that if I didn’t play golf there was something wrong with me. I was actually pretty good. Then, a couple of years ago, one day while on the course, I had a very personal epiphany. It dawned on me that I was standing on grass that had more chemicals on it than were sitting inside of a WMD plant in Iraq. The grass was groomed better than I have my hair cut. It was so green it glowed. The clothes people were wearing just looked weird to me. Yellow pants?! Tasseled spikes? Come on! And the keeping score thing just bugged me. Don’t get me wrong on the keeping score thing – life keeps score and I have a very competitive nature, but it seemed to take the fun out of it. What struck me was that I had not really enjoyed a round of golf since I was in college. I had played plenty of rounds, but somehow I knew it wasn’t my thing. I resolved that day to make a change. Don’t get me wrong – I have nothing against golf, but I knew I had better things to do with my time than smack that little white ball around and count my strokes. If golf is your thing, then rock on.

What did I do? I took up this incredible sport of fly fishing instead and I have never looked back. I have loved every minute of it and I have had the opportunity to fish in lots of beautiful natural places where the only fertilizer is run-off from the farms and cow manure. I have met some of the most fantastic people and made friendships that will last a lifetime. I even took up fly tying and now catch fish on things that I make. I feel much more connected to the planet that I reside (temporarily) on and am far happier. And, I don’t have to keep score! That alone is worth the price of admission.

Which brings me to my point. If you want to keep score, take up golf. I don’t care how many fish you caught. It strikes me as a “Freudian thing” and you guys out there know what I mean. If you have this variety of complex, then I would suggest that you drive a Hummer, brag about your golf score, buy a cigarette boat for Lake of the Ozarks (100 feet long is a nice size to start), tell us how much you had pay in capital gains taxes last year, but don’t tell me how many fish you caught. Please keep it to yourself – at least when you are around me. Please?!

Everyone counts how many fish they caught – sort of. There is no shame in generally keeping track of what you caught and what you caught it on. We keep a mental record (and some keep a written record) of what is working for future reference. It does help. We reflect on the weather, the water levels, the hatches, and whether nymphs or dries are working on that day. We make adjustments to improve our future opportunities for success. That is all good. If your friends are having success and you are not, you want to know what you have to do to improve your chances. You have to pay attention to these things to improve. That is fine. Even the gurus have bad days. And, even the novice hits home runs sometimes. Your only chance of catching a fish is if you have a line in the water. Fish more often! That is usually a pretty good place to start.

However, after you enter into double digits (10 plus) and you keep counting – particularly if you are counting them down to the exact number – I really think you need to examine your motivation. I know folks who are telling me that they caught 37 fish, 42 fish, or 28 fish. Are you kidding me? At that point, you have basically had one fantastic day of fishing and you really don’t need to shame all of your fishing buddies into feeling inadequate. Or, maybe you do. Chill out, cowboy! Hey, I don’t mind hearing about that big one that made your day or an occasional story about how high it jumped out of the water or how hard it ran. Those are the campfire stories that make the outings fun. How about summaries like “I did pretty good today” or “it was one of my better days in a while” or “we caught a mess o’ fish”. I don’t mind that. But, when you tell me specifically that you caught X fish (and it really is a bunch of fish), damn it, I feel like you are bragging and you just ruined my day. Especially, if you out-fished me…but that’s my problem and I have to deal with that on my own terms.

For me, a bad day fishing is better than a good day doing anything else. When I get out to a beautiful place with natural surroundings and get to throw a fly line, I am pretty damn happy. If I catch a fish, that is a bonus. If I catch lots of fish, I am thrilled. But, I don’t keep score. If you want to keep score, go play golf. Or, if you want to keep score while fishing, don’t fish with me. If you do fish with me and want to keep score, at the very least, keep it to yourself. Thank you very much! Beyond that, enjoy the sport of fly fishing and all that comes with it. I am thankful that somebody thought up this idea. The golf was taking years off of my life. The fly fishing and fly tying is adding to it. At the very least, the quality of my life is better. There is so much to enjoy rather than counting how many fish you caught (and telling everyone else about it). Just my two bits - for what it is worth. You think about that. TL