Beware the Inebriated Armadillo!

If you encounter this creature, walk backwards very slowly…do not make eye contact…and turn and run for the hills. They are known to be unpredictable, and their behavior can border on aggressive and sometimes violent. If there is a shortage of long-neck beer in your neighborhood, look no further than the southwestern cousin of our beloved opossum, the armadillo. These little critters have been moving up from the southwest toward the north and have been headed our way for some time. It must be related to global warming and a need to escape some of the brutal heat down there. The dead giveaway on their origins is their Texas accent – it gives them away every time. Never matter…here they come and you better get ready. Just take a drive down the highway and you will see them splattered…I mean scattered…everywhere.

I know what you are thinking…what in God’s name is this nut bag, Ty Livingstone, talking about? What is your point, man? On a recent trip to northern Arkansas, my fishing guide and I were tooling down a country highway in his pickup, towing our drift boat, and we came along a sight to behold. An armadillo that had been knocked unconscious (okay, it was dead…and it was more likely vehicular mammal-slaughter) and it was lying flat on its back, feet up in the air. Some kind soul had strategically placed a beer bottle on its underbelly (I am sure it was to help ease the pain from the accident) and it appeared to be drinking from the bottle. It really hit my funny bone and I laughed hysterically for a while, followed by intermittent giggling throughout the day. It was just plain funny. The guide informed me that this was a new “tradition” in the area and that you will start to see this sight everywhere. I am not positive, but I somehow think the opossum are involved. There are also some conspiracy theorists that suggest the raccoons may have a hand in this also.

This has been an interesting year for many of us…maybe not so fun, but interesting nonetheless. This will be a bruising election year with probably few winners (even among the winners). We are faced with real issues – serious inflation – food, gas, and other stuff is going up, up, up with no end in sight. There are lots of negative things going and if you let it get to you, it just won’t do you any good. You have to find a way to deal with things and some plain old-fashioned humor is a pretty good place to start. My friends down in the Ozarks have long been famous for turning manure into apple butter. I see the armadillo and beer bottle marriage to be a continuation of that theme. You take road kill and add trash and you come up with a pretty strange sight that can make folks chuckle for a moment. I am not happy about the dead animal and nobody hates litter more than me, but the combination is just down right funny. If that makes you mad, well I am truly sorry (not really…not deep down inside I’m not…). There is always tragedy in our world but looking at things a different way can change your view. It is really all about perspective.

So, what exactly is my point? Lighten up…take a chill pill…have a laugh…don’t take yourself or life too seriously. It could be worse…you could be an armadillo. Me? I am going to go for a long walk, watch a sunset, and have a cold adult beverage. I might even sit down tonight and watch my favorite comedy…maybe have a few laughs. You think about that…TL